WHere are my dreams!

I woke up this morning after a good nights sleep that doesnt come all that often and i had this empty feeling,It wasn't a bad feeling or a whoa is me feeling but I just asked myself why dont i have any dreams that i want to achieve.Once upon a time i had the american dream and i dont really anymore and now i feel a little lost.I just feel empty.I have discovered something about myself that i have been doing a long time but didnt know the right terminology for it until i was watching Deal or No Deal the other night.Its called Paying it Forward...I honestly think i have been doing it for so long (Its a great thing) but there really isnt any me anymore.That is a huge part of me however has it left me at the point that the half of me that needs to live for myself sometime just gone?I am the biggest critic of myself.I dont really know how to live for myself,go out find my own dreams,.Guiermo My *Bestest Friend* is teaching me alot without knowing he is teaching me alot.Its always an adventure hanging out with him no matter what it is is never a dull moment.He is the white version of me....That really didnt have anything to do with the blog but it hit me while i was writing so it went to my finger tips lol. I hope to find my own dream soon   I digress

Getting some prospective

Good Morning ,I havent blogged much lately because i am pretty mellow yellow right now.I am on staycation and loving it so far.It was a beautiful weekend even tho i had to be there for Guiermo when he put down a family pet.It was a ruff moment but a bonding experience plus i know he would do anything he could for me .I am starting to get really anxious by the fact that we are moving sometime over the next few months.I still feel unsettled .I expected not to move around alot once i moved into my house but here i am ....I also know that this isnt a stationery move .I lik eliving in a house doing whatever and being able to do whatever i want to the place .Oh well it will come again because thats where my heart lies ,eventhough i have no problems with our apartment now but i know what i prefer.Anyways i have finally started to decide on how i am shaping my financial future and what needs to happen to make it alot more secure for myself.(A huge Plus) I guess i should decide soon what i want to do today  Mall shopping possibly with The G and V maybe go see Tim j My buddy ..We will see I digress

Once again I stand alone

I always try to remain positive for friends and family ,facebook but sometimes things just arise that break you down and make you feel like absolute shit.Today i took my mom for foot surgery *Yes very Minor*surgery but its a principal that i am talking about  No One was there for me .My brothers never came to see about their own mother once again....I sit alone in the waiting room after being choked up seeing them wheel her away to the OR yes once again Minor Surgery  but i hate hospitals and i always feel that every time someone is wheeled away it could be the last time you see them *Inner Fear*.I sat alone while other families  Yes families and Spouses were there for other people with minor surgeries Just for support but once again I was alone...What hurts my heart the most is that I can be there for everyone else Lending a hand,lending an ear,a shoulder to cry on but the ones i love the most never asked do you just want me to sit with you ,It just goes to show so many people are out for themselves .Granted i probably would have said no if someone did ask if I wanted someone to sit with me ,but it would be nice to have an option.The Option never came.I will continue being my selfless self because i dont really expect anything in return and i want to continue being that good hearted person my grams always wanted me to be. often people do get what they deserve for being selfish my brothers included  I digress

Why do people Lie?

Welli really dont understand people and you would think after being on this earth for 42 years i would have a good understanding but i dont.I really try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.I myself try not to lie to people and keep it real  Why cant i get the same respect?I actually have the gift of seeing through peoples bullshit.It really makes them look even more stupid.Selfishness always prevails.No matter what.Why would someone pretend that your well being is of concern when it Really is all about themselves?Its just so amazing to me...I guess selfishness ,lying  comes so second nature to people its hard to break away from

No Issues

Good Morning ,I havent blogged in awhile mainly because i really dont have any huge issues that i cant deal with in my own little head LOL.I have been pretty much on the mellow end of everything and just trying to enjoy the fact that i have alot more than what alot of people have and just accepting that..The one major thing that has happened in the past week is that i got my best friend back..We went all summer without a word to each other  mainly because i was afraid of swallowing my pride and reaching out to him.We have picked up just as if we have never been apart.That is true friendship.I love him.I have learned a lesson with this tho friends will always be there and the fact we could easily forgive each other shows that! Other than that nothing else really ,just keeping it moving and being me

Camp Success

Just getting back from an overnight camping trip that i actually needed so bad to just have peace and quiet even tho i I was with a group of teenagers .It is so nice to feel young and treated like just 1 of the guys even tho i act their age lol..I didnt want to leave they didnt want me to leave but the old thing called work stands in the way.I have to say even tho there has been some rough spots i am definately building some new memories and happy ones...I am a little tired tho cause i stayed up late but i will get some rest and back to the grind  I digress

My Guardian Angel

I just noticed that my last blog was a week ago.I guess i dont have alot of issues to resolve through blogging anymore..I have a true voice of reason that helped extinguish alot of anger that i did have..He keeps my mind focused on fun things and not always on reality..I felt challenged for who i am today...I thought i was going to explode but i was even tempered..Man have i  changed. I  resisted the urge of banging someones head off the floor until i saw blood spill..I truely have become a better person than i was 3 years ago.I am proud of who i am becoming..I have to say tho i had a fabulous weekend as always..I am just so damn exausted right now  i have to actually stop writing because my eyes are going cross