Rambling

Well Good Morning to all ,I don't write often enough even tho i should...I find that i tend to write more when i have an issue ,but sometimes i think i just need to empty my head ..I am wrapping up my 3rd week vacation and feeling i have accomplished but haven't accomplished as much as i want..Its funny how a few years ago i really didn't care anything about my house but now its my passion.I want to do so much ..definately the key to a better future. I have to figure out exactly how.  I know i will get it done


i am actually sitting here having coffee as Vincent is still sleeping ,planning on going to down to see the Huge Duckie on the river even tho i said i wouldnt lol  sometimes we all swallow our own words ..

Now i have to get this off my chest because  i have no idea what is wrong with people and i guess i will never figure it out...Why are people so immature,or have the need for constant drama in their lives? I personally have no need for such things..I know i find it hard enough on most days to get through just normal day to day routines and accomplish goals without gay drama.  I guess it is better to make good choices and select my friends a little more carefully... I know i do have to really scale back  (Facebook)can be a bitch when not used properly.  Thats where i have to start making changes  i do know this people should just be deleted at the signs of constant negativity i am actually think a new facebook page would be better and starting over.....I am just rambling and i digress

Well it has been awhile since i have blogged,not really having any problems or anything but just decided to put some things down and empty my head a little.

I am about to embark on my 44th year on this Planet and learning day by day new things about myself and i didn't think that was possible at all but guess what it is. 1st i have discovered that i am drawn to people that are in need of emotional help i guess i have always known that i have a unique gift and i should embrace but lately its been more of a pain when you try to help someone it gets thrown in your face.I will chop it up to just a bad experience and move on.....

2.)I cant exactly figure out why my tolerance level for the gay life is down.Well maybe its because most cant be trusted ,they lay in waiting (patiently) to steal from you as soon as they possibly can or knife you in the back as quick as they can    I am putting it out there for most it is all about Dick and i dont mean Dick and Jane.. Its no  wonder most of our morals are questioned and why  Marriage being on the table is such an issue,because we are our own worst enemy.

3.)Work is kicking my ass ,every time i turn around i am devoting my time and life more to wards work and really have nothing to show for it,I am aggravated,frustrated because i cant get my house done ..

I will write more later ,but i do know this much   i have to set the goal now and really step up my game and rid my life of the people i just don't want in it anymore and learn to stick with it            especially those that i want to let go and they don't want to let go  The Manor awaits

Well here i sit awake at 6 am alone with my thoughts as i watch Angel repeats,thinking that sometimes a paragraph on facebook just isn't enough..

So many things have been happening since my last blog entry in November.I have gotten through the holidays and New store openings and a semi-promotion*In-training*.I have made some new friends and cultivated some old friendships as well. I am feeling exausted tho ...I am feeling drained and empty inside even tho i keep up the appearances because i dont want to be that person .

Maintaining 2 households isnt easy.Lack of support isnt easy either..  I just need to really zone into my peaceful place because i am on the edge

Oh the rambling of a person awake and tired

FAKE IS FAKE

WELL I DONT POST TO OFTEN BUT SOMETIMES I HAVE TO WHEN I FEEL ITS NECESSARY! I DONT UNDERSTAND WHY PEOPLE FEEL THE NEED TO FORCE THEMSELVES ON OTHER PEOPLE AS IF THEY ARE DESPERATE FOR AFFECTION.I DONT UNDERSTAND HOW SOMEONE CAN BE FRIENDS OR FAKE FRIENDS WITH SOMEONE AFTER THEY BASICALLY SPIT IN YOUR FACE?WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THESE FAGGOTS?  I WAS RAISED TO BE ABOUT IT OR NOT AT ALL..I AM READY TO STOP GOING OUT TO THESE BARS AT ALL THAT WAY I DONT HAVE TO BE AGGRAVATED .I ALWAYS NEED SO MANY ANSWERS.GOD HELP ME KEEP MY TEMPER UNDER CONTROL WHEN DEALING WITH SUCH INCIDENTS OF IMMATURITY AND DESPERATION.

Double Edged Sword

I had to put this into words because sometimes i look in the mirror and i dont know the person i am looking at....I realize that for as compassionate and caring as i can be i am equally heartless.*Today i said to a friend that if he passed out on the sidewalk i would just call 911 i wont even try and revive him..That is just not right to say and hurtful at the same time..Why am i this person? I really dont want to be the person that is not so nice but at the same time i just get tired of people pushing me around because i am kind to people.Well i guess i need to find the balance somehow and come back to the nicer me.

Well time to get up on my soap box,We went out tonite and had a few drinks which was fine but quite a few interesting things happened.For starters you have to love when someone that doesnt really have any self-esteem pushes themselves on everyone just so they feel like they are liked or appreciated..*No its not me because i dont have to do such things except be myself!I spent the early part of the evening sober and watched and couldnt believe the things you realize when alcohol isnt involved.I guess when you are a skinny,bi-polarish person that hates everything about themselves except their hair its what you have to do.Anyways continuing on to the drag-show   what has ever become of this city?Once upon a time when Armageddon was on stage there used to be an appreciation for the art. Drag takes alot of investment and time and this is how people are rewared  .Now when performers go on stage it looks like they are lucky to leave with 20 bucks on a good night...Its so sad that it has come to this  We need to get it together as a gay community...

Bad Bar Night

I cant believe how the gay lifestyle has dwindled down in Pittsburgh. I met Vincent at work tonite to go out for a drink afterwards.Much to my surprise after not being at Lucky' after several months that there was really no one out.Once upon a time it was packed on a wednesday night .I was very disappointed that there was only 1 dancer and the Dj didnt start spinning until later in the evening.Why has it come down to this?Is it because of social networking and the internet that has made it so easy to meet people that you dont have to come to the bars anymore?


I am a little tired so i will have more to say tomorrow    I digress