ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

You know sometimes its hard to have desires,wants ,needs wishes...Every cloud has a silver lining...Blah blah blah.i think i have managed to find a few silver linings,however it doesnt totally solve the desires part of it. Even tho i will never share my true desires with anyone because they are very dear to my heart  i can share a wish. I wish  i didnt have to always work so hard for what i want....I am a good man,I am there for my family,my friends   but i can never catch a break for myself...I dont ask for much (However i can say that 1 of the best rewards is that i have new people in my life tha tare absolutely wonderful) I just wish i could catch a break!  No pity  party here tho......I had a distant thought of thinking i should just sell drugs or something  but i know i would get caught....O what to do i have no idea,,,,,,but when you know its not working the way it is you have to do something to get ahead...   what does 1 do when you are 42 and confused and conflicted?