My Mother My FRiend

As we grow older you learn the wisdom that your parents and grandparents before them all had but never knew it was wisdom until you became an adult...I remember my grandmother always saying to us whenever we had an argument or disrespected our mother in any way she would always say "respect your mother you only get one" I always held that dear to my heart just because it keeps me humble and its true...My mother such a wonderful woman  She has always been hard on us but at the same time never judged us and would fight the world for us even tho we are grown man my brothers and I.  My mother is my best friend She is my confidant she is my buddy.She is the core of my being..She probably will never read the blog because she isnt computer savy but I can at least tell the world.I am so thankful for the relationship that i have with her.She goes into surgery tomorrow and i wish that i could switch places with her so she didnt have to go through it even tho its preventive surgery i would rather be the one..I love my mom for all that she is always have always will....I digress

Life

I cant believe here it is Tuesday and I had such a wonderful weekend....I spent the weekend with friends just living life.The nice thing about the weekend was i never thought of any problems ..All fun..I have My new friend Lou to thank for most of it..He helps me alot with my emotional well being..I really think that people are given to us for a reason at any given time..I can be unstable at times and unable to reel myself back in but he helps me alot in reeling me back in ..i have been happier which in turn I have met quite a few new friends and getting much closer to some of my other friends that have been around for awhile....Lou (this has nothing to do with age) but reminds me a little of my dad(in the aspect of being a hardworker) and has soothing words.I am very appreciative he is helping me become a stronger person when i was at my weakest ...Thank you buddy

FUN Day

Well its about time for me to head out and enjoy a day with the my friends at Kennywood..I am so happy to have had 2 days off after a long stretch...It has been a wonderful weekend..It seems like everyday i get emotionally stronger and i want to do big things make drastic changes but not quite sure exactly what they are..I am feeling like now i can conquer the world and want to..I guess sometimes it takes having new prospective in your life to help you realize that YES I CAN! It also helps alot that i have a few friends that really serve as therapist to me  (Not even Joking)...Karen the little shy girl that i had no idea when we met that we would be the best of friends I knew we would get along well but she alone deserves an award for some of the things that i have put on her shoulders and she listens,talks to me,doesn't judge me.I don't know what i would do without her like many of the people i have right now..I couldn't do it with out any of them.I tend to ramble alot but i guess thats why i am blogging lol   I digress

New Adventures

Well it has been quite the interesting day and long week even tho it is only Tuesday...I had to start working till 7 this week and on a 6dauy work week but you know i bitched about it   O well i have to do it its my job   at least i have one so i cant complain..I have a friend older than i am doing 2 jobs so i just need to shut my mouth LOL...I actually had alot of conversation with Vincent today which is really to personal to put in the blog..however i can just say it was refreshing...let each other live a little ...I channel my negative energy into building friendships and its working now its time to help V find a channel  I digress

A New Day

Its time to start a new work week... a 6day work week but ok whatever ...I had a great nights sleep for a change.Now  since i have control over my emotions I am ready to start taking some new steps forward and planning how i am going to deal with financial situations at hand..I need to figure out what kind of pt job i want thats not going to make me want to actually kill someone  LOL then next to figure out what I am doing with the sale of my house.....Baby steps but the key is I am ready to start stepping and now i have support to do so     Lets get this show started 

I digress

The Potential

Finally everyday I grow a little bit stronger and have a lot of faith in better things to come..I have been given a little bit more hope and promise of better things. Its time to just ride the wave..I really dont know what to do with m yself i just want to jump out of my skin..I even had to change my blog title to fit a happier me..I have learned to accept the great rewards and blessings for what they are...I digress

Outside the box

So tonite i ventured out to a bar that i dont go to  to often to spend time  with Big Daddy Tim....It made me very happy that i was invited by Big daddy to come over to the bar  tonite because it means we are getting closer and he thought enough of me to invite me.It just brings me back to what i have been saying all along about the recent choices i have made with friends and how great they are .No drama no fuss Just a good time together .I have to give Big daddy his props..he is not only handsome but funny...

I digress

Another Day Down

Today wasnt a horrible day i dont have alot to say in my blog...3 people that are very special to me in different ways  said some pretty special things to me and just made me feel so good...Then on top of that my ex Scott got in touch with me and i hadnt heard from him in awhile always just seems to know when ever i am very emotional...I never knew how that worked that we are so connected we can feel when each other is in trouble being miles upon miles apart....I am in the chill zone now and pretty even tempered just going to relax and think of the things that make me happy

Holding back the tears...

Its such an effn emotional time right now  what the hell is going on??/ I have finally found some happiness for myself... but all at the same time i have friends in great pain......I just found out tonite that a dear friend of mine lost his mom  which she was like a mom to all of us...She was a  beautiful lady with a fun loving spirit...She laughed with us partied with us and moreless not just a mom but a friend...Even tho i havent seen her in years its so hard to say goodbye...Death is a part of life but why does it have to hurt so damn bad.....I dont even know what to say to scott even tho i know i have to call....Sigh  I need to get some rest i am not thinking clearly righ tnow

Empathy

I am filled with so much emotion right now..Love ,worry ,anxiety,nervousness...I am so worried about my best buddy D.I. He is in such a dark place right now..I love him so much and i want to do everything i can to help pull him back to the top but it seems like everytime i grab his hand he slips..It makes me so sad ...Cause he always makes me laugh and i dont want to fail him now...I dont know what to do?I guess keep reaching for his hand is the best thing to do ...

Love Omg  the amount of attention and love i am being given right now is so off the chart amazing. I am nervous because i now have the power to make changes and embrace a new destiny or at least expand on...my current...I no longer feel that the world is on my shoulders at least not totally thanks to my on piece of happiness... anyhow i am just tired and rambling right now its a half hour past my normal bedtime  I digress

Light to my Darkness

I was thinking back to when i started writing my blog and I named it Ef My life because i was in a dark bitter place of not having alot of money....Stressing,so called friends driving me crazy,reliving the nightmare of being robbed 3 times,Vincents new store opening,....Yada yada....but since then things have started to change...I started deleting a few of the negative people and i was rewarded with better...I have a new great friend Lou thats a little bit older than me but he helps me reason and makes me see that things are not that bad and for that i am truely grateful....Then I have Tim J..That I met face to face for the first time on our Bday,,,he makes me laugh and it seems that we are so evenly matched wit wise that we were seperated at birth  He make sme laugh and so so easy to talk too....Then I have Master Tim D We have known of each other and talked in the bar many times.I was always so intimidated by him because he is a leather guy and i am your average preppy boy but over the week of my birthday we decided to take it to the next level and hang out  outside of the bar,,,I am glad I took the chance to get to know him as well because under the hard core shell lies a gentleman...Then there is David P..another guy very handsome man that i just hung out with in the group in the bar...had no idea that i would be pursuing a friendship other than the bar but then it hits me he is a good guy as well and yea give it a shot....Ross I cant forget about Ross ...He sees the special person in me and he is awesome as well...These are all my newest friends Btw not to slight my other friends.....but in a nutshell its because of them that i am able to move on and balance the other parts of my life  they lift me up high,in most cases treat me like an absolute king..sometimes they pamper me in material things, for the most part they pamper me with love and affection....I am so so so grateful to these guys for giving me light to my darkness!!!

I actually dont have a whole lot to say in my blog right now....Its Monday after a heavy party weekend so i feel blah but alot of interesting things happened so...It was worth it..I learned how much my friends do care about me and then some maybe not so much...I have become better friends with a few people that turned out to be really interesting...I have gained a great friend that pals around with me and doesnt judge totally understands me ....its amazing how some people are sent to you when you need them ...I had been in the deepfreeze for a little while now cold dark trapped in my mind...Now not so much  I digress....

Torn

I am about to celebrate a 42nd birthday tomorrow but it feels so weird to try and be happy when people around me are so sad.....I have so many emotions running through my head right now.....On 1 hand i am happy because i had a great visit today from the Vp of stores ......I am sad for Vince because of his best friend was taken ill suddenly and i know that is hard....I am nervous about taking on a new part time job even tho i dont want to...I am building a great new friendship that is so much fun for me it takes me away from the rest of the problems..Everything is sooooo overwhelming its beyond belief...then on top of it i dont sleep because of i constantly worry about my mom not that she is ill but just because...So it takes it toll...The saying goes that good black dont crack but i know if i continue on certain paths i will age not so graceful anymore and thats the last thing i wish to happen.....I guess for now i have to hold onto the 1 true piece of happiness that i have been holding so dearly right now and its all mine so i cant even share it on my blog...I digress

Who would have thought?

It has been 1 hell of a start to the beginning of May.My birthday week,,,,I went to Columbus for the weekend and had a great time....I dont get away much but it was so nice to do something for myself for a change...Then Osama Bin Laden paid for his Crimes with his life...Its kind of funky to and less human to be happy about someones death...O well...Now i am watching Dancing with the starts and letting my mind just wander unto other thoughts...I am really in the twilight zone right now