I actually dont have a whole lot to say in my blog right now....Its Monday after a heavy party weekend so i feel blah but alot of interesting things happened so...It was worth it..I learned how much my friends do care about me and then some maybe not so much...I have become better friends with a few people that turned out to be really interesting...I have gained a great friend that pals around with me and doesnt judge totally understands me ....its amazing how some people are sent to you when you need them ...I had been in the deepfreeze for a little while now cold dark trapped in my mind...Now not so much  I digress....

Torn

I am about to celebrate a 42nd birthday tomorrow but it feels so weird to try and be happy when people around me are so sad.....I have so many emotions running through my head right now.....On 1 hand i am happy because i had a great visit today from the Vp of stores ......I am sad for Vince because of his best friend was taken ill suddenly and i know that is hard....I am nervous about taking on a new part time job even tho i dont want to...I am building a great new friendship that is so much fun for me it takes me away from the rest of the problems..Everything is sooooo overwhelming its beyond belief...then on top of it i dont sleep because of i constantly worry about my mom not that she is ill but just because...So it takes it toll...The saying goes that good black dont crack but i know if i continue on certain paths i will age not so graceful anymore and thats the last thing i wish to happen.....I guess for now i have to hold onto the 1 true piece of happiness that i have been holding so dearly right now and its all mine so i cant even share it on my blog...I digress

Who would have thought?

It has been 1 hell of a start to the beginning of May.My birthday week,,,,I went to Columbus for the weekend and had a great time....I dont get away much but it was so nice to do something for myself for a change...Then Osama Bin Laden paid for his Crimes with his life...Its kind of funky to and less human to be happy about someones death...O well...Now i am watching Dancing with the starts and letting my mind just wander unto other thoughts...I am really in the twilight zone right now

ROCK AND A HARD PLACE

You know sometimes its hard to have desires,wants ,needs wishes...Every cloud has a silver lining...Blah blah blah.i think i have managed to find a few silver linings,however it doesnt totally solve the desires part of it. Even tho i will never share my true desires with anyone because they are very dear to my heart  i can share a wish. I wish  i didnt have to always work so hard for what i want....I am a good man,I am there for my family,my friends   but i can never catch a break for myself...I dont ask for much (However i can say that 1 of the best rewards is that i have new people in my life tha tare absolutely wonderful) I just wish i could catch a break!  No pity  party here tho......I had a distant thought of thinking i should just sell drugs or something  but i know i would get caught....O what to do i have no idea,,,,,,but when you know its not working the way it is you have to do something to get ahead...   what does 1 do when you are 42 and confused and conflicted?

EMOTIONS

I WAS THINKING TO MYSELF TODAY HOW OVER THE PAST 6MONTHS MY EMOTIONS HAVE BEEN SO OVERWHELMING,HOPE HAD BEEN LOST,SOMETIMES I FELT I COULDNT GO ON....HOWEVER I DISCOVERED I HAVE REASONS TO HOLD MY HEAD UP ...I AM LOVED...(DEARLY) GRANTED i HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN THAT, BUT I BELIEVE IT NOW AND MY EMOTIONS HAVE BEEN SO HIGH THE PAST WEEK I JUST WANT TO JUMP OUT OF MY SKIN  I AM GOING TO RIDE THE WAVE FOR AWHILE

Friends

It is so amazing to think that i went through part of my life without the great people i have around me right now.. I   love my guys and girls...Everyday i have someone new to chat with and talk to listen to and hang with ...I think i really had to do something right along the way..I sometimes wish that i didnt have to work so that all i had to do was spend time with my peeps LOL thats a fantasy unless i hit the lottery LOL.. I digress  I feel special