Once again I stand alone

I always try to remain positive for friends and family ,facebook but sometimes things just arise that break you down and make you feel like absolute shit.Today i took my mom for foot surgery *Yes very Minor*surgery but its a principal that i am talking about  No One was there for me .My brothers never came to see about their own mother once again....I sit alone in the waiting room after being choked up seeing them wheel her away to the OR yes once again Minor Surgery  but i hate hospitals and i always feel that every time someone is wheeled away it could be the last time you see them *Inner Fear*.I sat alone while other families  Yes families and Spouses were there for other people with minor surgeries Just for support but once again I was alone...What hurts my heart the most is that I can be there for everyone else Lending a hand,lending an ear,a shoulder to cry on but the ones i love the most never asked do you just want me to sit with you ,It just goes to show so many people are out for themselves .Granted i probably would have said no if someone did ask if I wanted someone to sit with me ,but it would be nice to have an option.The Option never came.I will continue being my selfless self because i dont really expect anything in return and i want to continue being that good hearted person my grams always wanted me to be. often people do get what they deserve for being selfish my brothers included  I digress

Why do people Lie?

Welli really dont understand people and you would think after being on this earth for 42 years i would have a good understanding but i dont.I really try to give everyone the benefit of the doubt.I myself try not to lie to people and keep it real  Why cant i get the same respect?I actually have the gift of seeing through peoples bullshit.It really makes them look even more stupid.Selfishness always prevails.No matter what.Why would someone pretend that your well being is of concern when it Really is all about themselves?Its just so amazing to me...I guess selfishness ,lying  comes so second nature to people its hard to break away from

No Issues

Good Morning ,I havent blogged in awhile mainly because i really dont have any huge issues that i cant deal with in my own little head LOL.I have been pretty much on the mellow end of everything and just trying to enjoy the fact that i have alot more than what alot of people have and just accepting that..The one major thing that has happened in the past week is that i got my best friend back..We went all summer without a word to each other  mainly because i was afraid of swallowing my pride and reaching out to him.We have picked up just as if we have never been apart.That is true friendship.I love him.I have learned a lesson with this tho friends will always be there and the fact we could easily forgive each other shows that! Other than that nothing else really ,just keeping it moving and being me

Camp Success

Just getting back from an overnight camping trip that i actually needed so bad to just have peace and quiet even tho i I was with a group of teenagers .It is so nice to feel young and treated like just 1 of the guys even tho i act their age lol..I didnt want to leave they didnt want me to leave but the old thing called work stands in the way.I have to say even tho there has been some rough spots i am definately building some new memories and happy ones...I am a little tired tho cause i stayed up late but i will get some rest and back to the grind  I digress

My Guardian Angel

I just noticed that my last blog was a week ago.I guess i dont have alot of issues to resolve through blogging anymore..I have a true voice of reason that helped extinguish alot of anger that i did have..He keeps my mind focused on fun things and not always on reality..I felt challenged for who i am today...I thought i was going to explode but i was even tempered..Man have i  changed. I  resisted the urge of banging someones head off the floor until i saw blood spill..I truely have become a better person than i was 3 years ago.I am proud of who i am becoming..I have to say tho i had a fabulous weekend as always..I am just so damn exausted right now  i have to actually stop writing because my eyes are going cross

Enough said

Blogging isnt as important as it once was for me because i very rarely have things to say or get out of my system anymore here lately..Just living the day to day..Its been a great weekend as usual.i went to a wedding yesterday and had a great, i should say wonderful time.I love meeting new people and communicating, sometimes life isnt just all about being gay I love my str8 folks too lol..I do feel conflicted.I am having trouble accepting someone bringing so much joy to my life. Full force A game every single moment we hang out together is just great in every way ,Guiermo is absolutely wonderful...Jayson isnt any less wonderful  I just feel like Jayson is losing his edge.....I have made alot of sacrifices for Jayson along the way and i want him to do 1 thing for me "Being very stubborn about"and i would think that he would actually be bending over backwards for me  "no Pun intended" but he isnt budging.I think he would be alot happier if he lived and loved a little more like i am doing.True Story! Love and happiness is going a long way way for me right now because thats really all i have is just that.I really feel sometimes he needs to give up control and trust in us.

Special Moments

I am back home again and it has been an amazing day..I started off by taking my mom to see Guiermo for breakfast..They developed a friendship of their own which is so nice because my mother can be a tough cookie  Tough..(There was 1 moment among several today)that made Guiermo even more appealing than ever and that is when my mom and i was at breakfast and she felt a little chilly because of being on blood thinners...He went and found her a sweater and came back and put it around her shoulders tending to her like it was his own mom. That scored major points  in my book because i love my mom so much and that was a touching moment.You surely couldnt resists loving a person like that,,,Then just so many other gestures today that were overwhelming.I feel like i am really being looked after.I can really get in the passenger seat and let someone take the wheel of my life for a change even if it is just for a weekend at a time...I become almost like a kid whose dad is making sure they are provided for fed clothed etc...BTW I am only using an analogy we are close in age...I guess i should say its  a secure feeling...I am thankful; for that and ever so grateful as well  I digress