Camp Success

Just getting back from an overnight camping trip that i actually needed so bad to just have peace and quiet even tho i I was with a group of teenagers .It is so nice to feel young and treated like just 1 of the guys even tho i act their age lol..I didnt want to leave they didnt want me to leave but the old thing called work stands in the way.I have to say even tho there has been some rough spots i am definately building some new memories and happy ones...I am a little tired tho cause i stayed up late but i will get some rest and back to the grind  I digress

My Guardian Angel

I just noticed that my last blog was a week ago.I guess i dont have alot of issues to resolve through blogging anymore..I have a true voice of reason that helped extinguish alot of anger that i did have..He keeps my mind focused on fun things and not always on reality..I felt challenged for who i am today...I thought i was going to explode but i was even tempered..Man have i  changed. I  resisted the urge of banging someones head off the floor until i saw blood spill..I truely have become a better person than i was 3 years ago.I am proud of who i am becoming..I have to say tho i had a fabulous weekend as always..I am just so damn exausted right now  i have to actually stop writing because my eyes are going cross

Enough said

Blogging isnt as important as it once was for me because i very rarely have things to say or get out of my system anymore here lately..Just living the day to day..Its been a great weekend as usual.i went to a wedding yesterday and had a great, i should say wonderful time.I love meeting new people and communicating, sometimes life isnt just all about being gay I love my str8 folks too lol..I do feel conflicted.I am having trouble accepting someone bringing so much joy to my life. Full force A game every single moment we hang out together is just great in every way ,Guiermo is absolutely wonderful...Jayson isnt any less wonderful  I just feel like Jayson is losing his edge.....I have made alot of sacrifices for Jayson along the way and i want him to do 1 thing for me "Being very stubborn about"and i would think that he would actually be bending over backwards for me  "no Pun intended" but he isnt budging.I think he would be alot happier if he lived and loved a little more like i am doing.True Story! Love and happiness is going a long way way for me right now because thats really all i have is just that.I really feel sometimes he needs to give up control and trust in us.

Special Moments

I am back home again and it has been an amazing day..I started off by taking my mom to see Guiermo for breakfast..They developed a friendship of their own which is so nice because my mother can be a tough cookie  Tough..(There was 1 moment among several today)that made Guiermo even more appealing than ever and that is when my mom and i was at breakfast and she felt a little chilly because of being on blood thinners...He went and found her a sweater and came back and put it around her shoulders tending to her like it was his own mom. That scored major points  in my book because i love my mom so much and that was a touching moment.You surely couldnt resists loving a person like that,,,Then just so many other gestures today that were overwhelming.I feel like i am really being looked after.I can really get in the passenger seat and let someone take the wheel of my life for a change even if it is just for a weekend at a time...I become almost like a kid whose dad is making sure they are provided for fed clothed etc...BTW I am only using an analogy we are close in age...I guess i should say its  a secure feeling...I am thankful; for that and ever so grateful as well  I digress

Take Charge

Today was the point where i had to stop take a look around and think this is it i have to start taking control of my life...Everyday I spin my wheels constantly turning.My surroundings suck....I know i can do so much better for myself than what i am doing,Being the Happier me is making me take a closer look at what causes me grief. I have to start dissecting each 1 by 1. I just know i cant keep going with the worry of finances "Constantly".It is 1 of the biggest burdens on my mind.....I really feel the monkey on my back sort of speak.....I plan to change that in a big way  at least i am going to try my damnest.  I actually feel i have the inspiration now to go forth and achieve .Yesterday for the first time in a long time when Guiermo and I went to walmart I wanted to shop till i dropped.Thats something that i am striving for to be able to spend and not worry about it..Also the other day i talked to an old friend that was so down and out I told him to have a good day and he said I dont really have good days anymore.......God i dont want to be that person   I was that person.. Thank god that I had a few key people walk into my life just when i needed it.....I guess its bad to base most of your strength on friends but they are what i have ...I give guiermo the utmost props because He keeps me Balanced and thats a REALLY big thing for me.He is really Like Prozac for me LOL So not kidding......Vincent can find me hard to handle at times just like many  but he can keep me centered an dpull me back....     I digress I am going to have some tea with vince

Relaxed

I have to say the weekends are the highlights of my week not just because i usually party on friday but because i know  I am going to be less stressed.I made it through a a whole weekend without stepping foot into a bar .Quality time was well spent getting to know someones personality  without the clouded judgement of alcohol.It was great.Now I am preparing myself for another week of inventories.Its ok tho because i am still on my emotional high.    I cant believe I am actually saying emotional high.Its been so long since i have had consecutive emotional highs it so hard to get used too.I feel so tired because my body is so relaxed.  I digress

Not Much to say

Honestly i started this blog to work through issues of anger and bitterness sort o speak but not i often find myself reaching for things to talk about to keep my blog going LOL i guess thats a really good thing even tho i still have anger and bitterness about some stuff it kinda isnt on the top of my list of things to think about right now.The fury of the fire in me has been extinguished for now.Its amazing that someone can have a calming effect over me.I have made some sacrifices and gone against the grain,lost a few "FRiends" note its in quotation marks..ALl at the same time I found out who the true ones really are and those are the ones that i need in my life.Those are the friendships to cultivate and nurture.I was having conversation with a dear friend that knew me when i was in my mid 20s and she complimented on my maturity and growing up,That just reinforced that i am quite capable of making decisions that are good for me regardless if anyone else thinks so or not.I always have relied on my own judgement.OK get off the soap box LOL  I am really just reaching anymore   maybe i should only blog every few days    I digress