Enough said

Blogging isnt as important as it once was for me because i very rarely have things to say or get out of my system anymore here lately..Just living the day to day..Its been a great weekend as usual.i went to a wedding yesterday and had a great, i should say wonderful time.I love meeting new people and communicating, sometimes life isnt just all about being gay I love my str8 folks too lol..I do feel conflicted.I am having trouble accepting someone bringing so much joy to my life. Full force A game every single moment we hang out together is just great in every way ,Guiermo is absolutely wonderful...Jayson isnt any less wonderful  I just feel like Jayson is losing his edge.....I have made alot of sacrifices for Jayson along the way and i want him to do 1 thing for me "Being very stubborn about"and i would think that he would actually be bending over backwards for me  "no Pun intended" but he isnt budging.I think he would be alot happier if he lived and loved a little more like i am doing.True Story! Love and happiness is going a long way way for me right now because thats really all i have is just that.I really feel sometimes he needs to give up control and trust in us.

Special Moments

I am back home again and it has been an amazing day..I started off by taking my mom to see Guiermo for breakfast..They developed a friendship of their own which is so nice because my mother can be a tough cookie  Tough..(There was 1 moment among several today)that made Guiermo even more appealing than ever and that is when my mom and i was at breakfast and she felt a little chilly because of being on blood thinners...He went and found her a sweater and came back and put it around her shoulders tending to her like it was his own mom. That scored major points  in my book because i love my mom so much and that was a touching moment.You surely couldnt resists loving a person like that,,,Then just so many other gestures today that were overwhelming.I feel like i am really being looked after.I can really get in the passenger seat and let someone take the wheel of my life for a change even if it is just for a weekend at a time...I become almost like a kid whose dad is making sure they are provided for fed clothed etc...BTW I am only using an analogy we are close in age...I guess i should say its  a secure feeling...I am thankful; for that and ever so grateful as well  I digress

Take Charge

Today was the point where i had to stop take a look around and think this is it i have to start taking control of my life...Everyday I spin my wheels constantly turning.My surroundings suck....I know i can do so much better for myself than what i am doing,Being the Happier me is making me take a closer look at what causes me grief. I have to start dissecting each 1 by 1. I just know i cant keep going with the worry of finances "Constantly".It is 1 of the biggest burdens on my mind.....I really feel the monkey on my back sort of speak.....I plan to change that in a big way  at least i am going to try my damnest.  I actually feel i have the inspiration now to go forth and achieve .Yesterday for the first time in a long time when Guiermo and I went to walmart I wanted to shop till i dropped.Thats something that i am striving for to be able to spend and not worry about it..Also the other day i talked to an old friend that was so down and out I told him to have a good day and he said I dont really have good days anymore.......God i dont want to be that person   I was that person.. Thank god that I had a few key people walk into my life just when i needed it.....I guess its bad to base most of your strength on friends but they are what i have ...I give guiermo the utmost props because He keeps me Balanced and thats a REALLY big thing for me.He is really Like Prozac for me LOL So not kidding......Vincent can find me hard to handle at times just like many  but he can keep me centered an dpull me back....     I digress I am going to have some tea with vince

Relaxed

I have to say the weekends are the highlights of my week not just because i usually party on friday but because i know  I am going to be less stressed.I made it through a a whole weekend without stepping foot into a bar .Quality time was well spent getting to know someones personality  without the clouded judgement of alcohol.It was great.Now I am preparing myself for another week of inventories.Its ok tho because i am still on my emotional high.    I cant believe I am actually saying emotional high.Its been so long since i have had consecutive emotional highs it so hard to get used too.I feel so tired because my body is so relaxed.  I digress

Not Much to say

Honestly i started this blog to work through issues of anger and bitterness sort o speak but not i often find myself reaching for things to talk about to keep my blog going LOL i guess thats a really good thing even tho i still have anger and bitterness about some stuff it kinda isnt on the top of my list of things to think about right now.The fury of the fire in me has been extinguished for now.Its amazing that someone can have a calming effect over me.I have made some sacrifices and gone against the grain,lost a few "FRiends" note its in quotation marks..ALl at the same time I found out who the true ones really are and those are the ones that i need in my life.Those are the friendships to cultivate and nurture.I was having conversation with a dear friend that knew me when i was in my mid 20s and she complimented on my maturity and growing up,That just reinforced that i am quite capable of making decisions that are good for me regardless if anyone else thinks so or not.I always have relied on my own judgement.OK get off the soap box LOL  I am really just reaching anymore   maybe i should only blog every few days    I digress

New Journeys bring Ne wjourneys

Well Sometimes i guess when you are happy and content it makes you want to strive for even better things in order to change a way of life.Hanging out with Guiermo and hi bein ga tad bit older makes me want to look ahead to the future and what i want it to be like not working like a dog at the age of 70   What will be my retirement age.I had 2 frutiful evenings in a row....One of play and the other of knowledge that can help me shape a much better future for myself...I am not putting it out there exactly what i am doing but i plan to make it big.Anyways these inventories for my work are killers I dont feel like i can go on they take alot out of me ugh.but its in the job description so grin and bare right?I always hated that sayn lol  JUST SAYN..I am beat cause i have been a busy busy man lately  so i will say I digress for now

Dont Look a gift horse in the mouth

I often wonder how it is even possible for moments shared can just keep getting better than the moments before but i guess it is possible because i am living it TRue Story..I guess when you love someones company that will do it.Plus the added news of getting great Inventory results was a a plus. Guiermo cleaned the hell out of my rims on the car and powerwashed  the carpets and its looks and smells great *Stupid little crap * like that is even fun.It has been a rough 8 years for me and i can tell you I am making the absolute most out of the happiness i am feeling right now,It came in a way i didnt expect but i am not looking a gift horse in the mouth for sure.I digress

Sunday Recap

Its Sunday and I am just waking up to brew the coffee and figure out what the plans are for today.I had a descent weekend I havent had alot of blog time until this morning.Friday we went to a house get together impromptu and had a very good time and I learned a few things too..followed by a trip to Blue Moon which was a total waste of time we didnt even have 1 drink..but i did get some sleep when i go tback to Guiermos.Saturday  i pretty much hit the ground running at work bright eyed bushy tailed after having a great evening.Jayson and I went out after work to Brewers which started off boring in turn ending up in a conversation about the apartment and financial stuff which sucks but glad at least that it picked up at the bar a bit.I got to talk to Angel yesterday too and i just love him..I never would have thought that we would become close but we have and that is a blessing..Quality not quantity.but anyways its time for my coffee break then shower  I digress

Guiermo

I can just say that i had a great day today ..I was able to stop and visit Guiermo at his work for lunch and meet his co-workers that were very nice ..It was so nice they knew me on sight.We had Pizza, and Black tea from starbucks that was very tastey.Then i stopped at Pep boys for a filter and stopped at my dentist office so it was a full afternoon and i even got laundry done so that my weekend with Guiermo would be free.I shouldnt forget that i had pizza with Jayson tonite.Pizza 2 times in a day i love it.I dont have a whole lot to say other than i am looking forward to getting off work tomorrow and having a cocktail or 2 and chilling.Perhaps i may get a good buzz but it wont be hanging all night in the bar," Private party" LOL...Anyways I am getting sleepy and silly   I digress

F the rest

Well sometimes you just have to take a few steps back and think i am gonna have to kick a Niggas ass even if they are a women yea call them Niggas too....I get tired of the shade , The users , the "SO CALLED" friends , I could be doing alot better without.....I have been called a "Drama Queen" but oh i am so not I am a pure bitch for sure now....I am going to start making the necessary cuts out of my life now.People that can be on the same page I am can go too. I am over it  Its about me now and only me    Peace out good night

Not even warm

So once again here i sit in the peaceful serenity of the bedroom not a sound to be heard besides the dinging off my phone when i get a text and the light hum of the laptop and ac running. I think i do some of my best thinking up here and daydreaming....I sometimes wonder why cant people be on the same page *Real Talk* I always put forth the effort,but when it comes to something i need or want to happen it is on the back burner...You know why because certain people are secretly selfish.Certain instances can be a take it or leave it situation .I sometimes wonder if people really know they can be on a sinking ship with no life preserver if i dont get what i want hmmm I doubt it.I guess sometimes i can be so harsh.  I digress  i feel a mean streak coming on cause i am a little tired and cranky

Happy Independence Day

I normally wait until late evening before i go to bed to write my blog bu ti figure I wont have much time I am having guest over for dinner and then the firework display.I think tonite will be another bonding experience,alot of memories being built.I have been having some wonderful times.Financially my life is very gruelling right now and its hard to bring about change with that,I do have options that were offered but it takes a lot of thinking about.However,I have to say i am wealthy in love.I am thinking i had to really do something right to have someone willing to do anything for me even kill...Thats an overexaggeration by the way! but you get my point.I cant really mention names anymore because i promised the person that i wouldnt because they want to be private..i respect that.I am happy to have them...God i am not looking forward to getting a second job,but the time is coming.....I just cant sit back and keep hoping and wishing for better things to come.I am really thinking a roomate is in order too even though if that happens i dont think i will spend alot of time at home anymore so its like a catch 22 ya know .I know i will figure this out soon    I digress

R.E.S.P.E.C.T.

Its so weird that you realize you cant possibly love some one more then when you actually get to see them getting their money.I respect the hell out of  him ..because i know he works hard with multiple jobs.It takes great character and will and determination.He is elevating me and doesnt even know it .I was raised to work hard and have ambition.I had forgotten that for awhile and became complacent .I am starting to remember who i am .I am not someone who just accepts things for how they are get out and do something about it.You want money and nice thing you have to go and get it....I have great respect for him .  I digress

Appreciation

I made it through the long work week and the reward now is i am in a cool bedroom and ready to turn in for a good nights sleep..I just finished talking to my girlfriend Special K and we always have so much to talk about with each other .Its always nice to get a womans point of view on life as well as a guys.She has also been a consistent person that never has judged me for whatever choices i make and will make and totally understands that if i am happy at the end of the day so is she and vice versa.I dont have many doubts anymore on my life that i have chosen to live but it is really nice to just tell someone what i am feeling at any given moment  its a wonderful thing.She knows when i am sad,she knows when i am mad,she knows when i am in pain and feel like i just want to cry,There she is right there to listen to me and offer kind sincere words.Vince has always said to me you dont need a 10001 friends its not about quantity its about quality and i realize that to the fullest extent.He isnt just a pretty face most of the time he does say things that make sense and i chose to listen too LOL. I also appreciate that long term friends have walked back into my life even tho they had never left we had just grown apart,but soon as we got back together it was like time stood still we love each other just like we did 13 14 15 years ago.WEll time to go give the pillow some head and bed some ass   I digress

LONG Week LONG night

I am winding down a 6 day work week thinking Jesus take the wheel becaus ei am on E right now...I am so exausted after coming back off of vacation into a work week like this ..Silly me went out last night with my boi and stayed out to 3am isnt helping but so worthwhile.,,,,I so need another Vacation...this time away on a beach somewhere.O well i guess its almost time to light a fire under  my butt and get moving   I digress